I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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