I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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