it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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