I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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