i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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