I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize