If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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