love makes seman taste better
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We left the knife in your bed.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
