I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
