Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
