I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
