Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
