Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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