You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
