hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
