I only kidnapped one of them. chill
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
