If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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