Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
