every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
