you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize