I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
