all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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