Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
