I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize