It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
