rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
