We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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