Are we in a gay sports bar?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
