I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize