I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I need moral support for this bender
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize