I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
