I'm gonna have a badass scar
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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