The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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