I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
