Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This baby is an asshole
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
