Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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