every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
