those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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