She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize