I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
