I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
