i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize