the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
not ubering you a puppy
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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