Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
