Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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