YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
