Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
