he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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