I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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