Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
