Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
