Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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