I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize