I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
