Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
