Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
