So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
