yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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