i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
