i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
