It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
