It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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