He asked to "fluff my boner.."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
