but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
