I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
