So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize