new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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