Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
