you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
